Onwards

2017
I used to say to my friend Alan, stop counting back the years to see how long ago certain events were, used to really depress me as there is nothing you can do to change anything, but it is obviously a symptom of getting older as I have to stop myself now.
People often say how brave and strong I am, I really don't feel either, I feel tired, so very tired, how ever hard I try it makes no difference, positive thinking, exercising, eating healthily, 8 hours sleep, none of it makes any difference, I have had enough of constantly hurting and struggling. The other week at Clatterbridge I was chatting to a guy 12 years younger than me on the same treatment, and he said he suddenly feels like an old man, he has a girlfriend 10 years younger, so it makes life very difficult, I don't have a younger girlfriend but life is difficult.
I am off to Hawaii in 4 weeks to stay with my sister, I am trying to word a message to get across to her exactly how I feel both mentally and physically, she can be quite opinionated and has a very annoying habit of assuming everyone thinks the same as she does I don't want her advice and herbal remedies and the Lord will save you ideas, I just want her friendship and companionship, the last thing I want is for us to fall out. Maybe it is me, I find I enjoy my own company more and more, everyone seems so stressed and angry it is easier to get on with yourself, maybe it is an opting out of society, I am lucky I am only responsible to myself, it has been a conscious decision and that is the way I wish it to remain.

Rent

 

 

Just before Christmas I got to see Rent in London at long last. Truly fabulous show, the St James is quite an intimate theatre, and the show suited it perfectly. Quite a few years ago I was dumped and almost the first thing my ex did was jet off to see Rent on Broadway, I was not amused! The show is loosely based around the opera La bohème, a mixture of joy and sadness not least that its writer Jonathan Larson didn't live to see it open on Broadway.

 

 

Clatterbridge

 

 

 

Christmas in hospital!

I did nearly spend another Christmas in hospital, I had my treatment on the 23rd and there was a complication and it looked like I was going to be kept in, but fortunately by the end of the day my blood had sorted itself out. The guys and girls at Clatterbridge were fabulous, general hospitals these days are not allowed to get into the spirit due to infection risks etc, but at Clatterbridge it was superb each department had their own theme, and Dorothy even had a little dog to walk around with, made  such a difference to what was a pretty awful day.

 



 

Boxing Day on the Mid-Hants railway with thanks to Emily. A gorgeous fresh day, perfect for having a ride behind a steam engine, and for once some photos of me!









Lancashire

 

 

Lancaster

I moved to Lancashire permanently a bit over three years ago, technically I live in Cheshire but historically Warrington is in Lancashire, as my old friend Alan would often remind me, can only imagine his reaction when the County boundary changes came about some years ago.
Being born in London and living in the Sussex, Kent and Hampshire, and technically Dorset (more boundary changes) the North West is quite a contrast, both in the landscape and its people. I know there is always something new to see wherever you live, and I do still love walking the streets of London, but moving to the North West has given me so many opportunities to see new sights, and I am only105 minutes from London courtesy of Virgin Trains, also Manchester Airport is only 20 minutes which will be very handy when I fly to Hawaii for a month in February, but that will be a whole new story.

 

Rochdale Canal, Manchester

 

 

 

Talking of places to explore, you can't go far wrong with Hebden Bridge in Yorkshire, and if Hebden is a little touristy, take a walk up the hill to Heptonstall, gorgeous unspoilt village in Calderdale.

 

 

 

Hebden Bridge

 

 

Heptonstall











Lights on

4pm and the lights are on, and the heating, as it is a little bit chilly.  That time of year again, at least I will now be able to catch up with my Blog and website, find it very difficult in the summer if the weather is nice to sit on the PC.
Although the days are short, the winter is the time for exploring, as the undergrowth dies back and the trees lose their leaves, so abandoned tunnels can be got to and seen a lot better, the downside is the mud. By their nature disused tunnels are very damp places, especially in winter.
I have been to Glasgow four times this year, I am on a mission to photograph all the disused railway tunnels in the city, around twenty, and I have probably done half of them.

 

Kelvinside Station

Kelvinside Station from Balgray Tunnel

Kelvindale Tunnel

Temple Gasworks Tunnel



There are a lot of Kelvins in Glasgow, Kelvinhaugh, Kelvinside, Kelvingrove, Kelvindale to name a few, I am starting to learn my way around the city, having only really passed through in the car a couple of time and on the train a few times. The Kelvin river near Dawsholm, is a fascinating area, with the remains of at least five railway viaducts.

 

 

Dawsholm Branch Bridge over the Kelvin

 

 

 

I am now in my tenth month of taking the Immunotherapy Drug MPDL3280A or Atezolizumab as it is now known. Scans so far have been very positive, with a marked reduction in the size of the Tumours, and my consultant has even gone so far as to say that if the Cancer is cleared from my Lungs and Chest they may consider operating to remove the Tumour from my Kidney. This is of course amazing news. Next month will be three years since I was diagnosed, and around eight years since I contracted Cancer, only a year or two earlier and I quite possibly would have died by now, I really am so fortunate with the timing, that there is now treatment for Kidney Cancer that works.

The side effects have taken there toll, I had a break from treatment in August for around six weeks, I was really struggling, the various aches and pains were to numerous to mention and I suddenly felt like I had aged twenty years, and the lack of sleep was driving me mad. After the break it has been better , mainly with the sleep, it is problems with sore feet and ankles that are my main problem, I wish I lived in a Bungalow as walking down the stairs first thing in the morning is very difficult and painful, once out and about its not so bad, and I do try to continue walking a lot, although I suffer for it the next day.

 

 

The Deam



 

 

 







Virgin Trains

 

 

Bury, Lancashire

 

 

Ok so not quite Virgin Trains, but these are some shots from a ride I had on the Footplate on the East Lancashire Railway the other month, many thanks to the Steve Leyland in the last shot and the rest of the crews.

 

Talking of Virgin, they are running a summer sale at the moment, so I have booked a few trips, London, Glasgow, Edinburgh and Birmingham, 4 trips for just over £100, so that will be plenty more photographs of the more seedy side of our Cities, actually the London trip is to go to The Maritime Museum, Imperial War Museum and HMS Belfast, places I have not been to for over 30 years. My Grandad served in the Royal Navy in both World Wars, my Uncle served in the late 1940s early 1950s and my Father was born in Portsmouth, so there has been a lot of Navy tradition in the family and thanks to some Facebook groups my interest has been rekindled.

 

 

HMS Duncan, Liverpool

 

 

 

Just to show its not all warfare.

 

MS Queen Elizabeth, Liverpool

 

 

And I can even find dereliction.

 

 

MV Sarsia, Birkenhead





 

 



Not so Healthy Living

Its funny how things in life can change almost overnight, and especially anything to do with your health. We live on a very narrow tightrope with our health, something that many try and ignore and others completely disregard until its too late.
I am coming up to my 7 month of treatment, 9 sessions I think. It really has gone very well and I am incredibly lucky, it is obviously working, there is little sign of the Mets in my Lungs or the lump in my chest, and the Tumour on my Kidney is certainly a bit smaller and more importantly the density is changing which indicates the blood supply to it is changing. The side effects have really been very minor, certainly compared to what happens to some poor souls on something like IL2, but I am starting to notice them and they are disrupting my life. Over the first 5 months or so there did seem to be a set pattern, 1st week after treatment, no sleep, 2nd week very disturbed sleep, 3rd week sleep like a baby, but that has all changed. A month ago I was very positive, getting into quite a good routine, eating healthily and plenty of exercise, but the last couple of weeks have knocked me sideways, I am still exercising and eating sensibly, I haven't touched alcohol for over a month, but my sleep is almost non existent. I have tried cycling late in the evening to wear me out, I have tried relaxing and reading before I sleep, I have tried Herbal concoctions and Meditation, nothing has worked, my body feels exhausted but that's it, I can only liken it to standing on a crowded train, where you are desperate to sit down, but know you have two hours of standing. I have been getting bad tremors in my hands and feet, the hands are not a problem, often happens when I am out and about, disconcerting more than anything, but the feet come on with vengeance as soon as I lie down, a bit like Restless Leg, where you have this constant need to keep  twitching, making relaxing and sleep impossible.
Until you go lengthy periods without sleep you just don't realise how much it impacts on your life, on the face of it as a side effect it seems  very minor, but after a couple of weeks you realise you are only existing, which is no life at all.



Healthy Living

I am now in my 6 month of treatment, and I have to say it is going pretty well. The CT scans have shown a general reduction in the various tumours and lumps, to be honest I am awful at digesting information from specialists, I know I have a large Tumour on my remaining Kidney but the other various lumps and bumps I am a little vague about, maybe that is a good way to be, anyway, the treatment is obviously working and quite quickly as well. Side effects have been quite minimal, various strange feelings, tingling, flu symptoms and trouble sleeping, lack of sleep has been the biggest problem.
As the injections are 3 weekly, I was going through a cycle of getting no sleep the first week, a little the second week then sleeping like a log the third, just in time to have my next dose. So this is where the Healthy Living  comes in, I have now made a plan to actively sort my health out. I am now in my third week of this, 40 mile cycle each week, sensible eating, plenty of fish, salad and fruit, and plenty of reading to relax, rather than watching DVD's, and it is going well, I am starting to notice the difference with the exercise, not so much its getting easier, because it never dose, but more my attitude to it, much more positive and much more relaxed when on me bike, the furthest I have been is 21 miles, which is not really any big deal, but I felt pretty comfortable doing it, and it was on my MTB which is always a lot harder work. Apart from the obvious physical and mental benefits of exercise, I am now getting tired in a good way, so am sleeping a lot better.
In some ways I can be quite a strong character, and my attitude to the treatment is obviously helping, I am incredibly lucky to be still here, and I am  very lucky to have got onto this clinical trial, so I really don't have anything to moan about, a few sleepless nights and rough days is nothing compared to what many people have to go through.

Breakfast

Bridgewater Canal

Lymm Railway



Getting my life back

At last my house is finished, bar a bit of snagging and putting photos up, it now feels like home and does look pretty good if I say so myself. It has been very hard work, and it most definitely will be the last serious bit of DIY I ever do. It has been very hard work, as always I had to complicate things and make them harder than they need be, like sanding the floors upstairs and the staircase, all this on top of starting my treatment in January, but its done now so all is good.

 

 

 

Talking of treatment, on the whole it has been going very well, I really am very lucky so I don't like to complain. There has been a marked reduction in the size of the tumours since January which is amazing to see a difference so soon, side effects have rather crept up on me, nothing major, just getting progressively worse, general aching, lack of energy, disturbed sleep and even a constant running nose, the poor sleeping has not been helped by the tremors that I get, especially in my feet, bit like restless leg, keeps you awake for hours. I also get strange feelings sometime, can't explain it, just a feeling that things are not right, bit shaky and wobbly on my feet, very odd sensation, with the amount of drugs that are being pumped into me there has to be some adverse reaction. Going to hospital every three weeks has given me a real aversion to having needles stuck in me, but as I say I am very lucky, lucky to still be alive, lucky to have been chosen for this trial and lucky that it seems to be working.

 

Motivation is a big problem and my level of fitness has suffered this past six months, so I have set myself a target of cycling forty miles a week, really not very difficult, just motivating myself to do it, three weeks in and all is going ok, will take some time to get back to decent fitness but I am determined to get there. I have been out on a few minor explores, mainly by train, I enjoy using the train as driving is not a lot of fun these days, and if you commit yourself to buying a ticket in advance you can't make any excuses on the day, so some day trips to Lancaster, Preston, Wigan, Blackpool, London, Glasgow and Edinburgh so far this year, again I do realise how lucky I am to be doing things like this, ok so its not Paris, New York, Rio etc but I still get a lot of enjoyment, and to be honest you could drop me and my camera almost anywhere in the world and I would enjoy it.

 

 

Edinburgh

London

Preston

Blackpool

Glasgow

 

 

As you can see in the Edinburgh photos I don't really do the normal tourist thing, I much prefer the more seedy side of places, also there has to be a few disused railway tunnels, like Buchannan St in Glasgow